


Undertow

by gibbsandtonysbabe



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Love, M/M, Romance, True Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 10:45:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4016791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gibbsandtonysbabe/pseuds/gibbsandtonysbabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written for a beautiful piece of Artwork from Hinky_Hippo. It inspired every word and I whole heartedly believe you should see it. It is spectacular ! http://hinky-hippo.livejournal.com/20250.html</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes you're drowning and you don't even know it until you're rescued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undertow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Seleya889 (Hinky_Hippo)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinky_Hippo/gifts).



> I own nothing of NCIS nor it's characters- we all know if I did there would be many changes.
> 
> I don't think I can thank my Beta Amy enough. SHe is always supportive even when I am invisible. She is awesome and irreplaceable.

Looking out at the vastness before him he wondered if he would ever find peace. He thought that sailing…being near the water would ease his soul and grant some respite from his nightmares. But everywhere he looked he saw Tony.

 

But he couldn’t bring himself to burn this boat…to rip it apart and destroy it. This was their project, it was created from their blood, sweat and tears and in the truest sense it was built with love. Still he could have found another way to get away, to search for that elusive snippet of peace.

 

He had long since decided that he wasn’t meant for peace; he had lost the ability to feel that years ago. He was so certain this time it would be different, that he would have the ability to move forward and not be caught in the mistakes of his past. And move forward he had…with Tony. It had taken awhile for them both to see what was right in front of them, but when they had, it was explosive. Then they had to wonder what had taken them so long to get there. But perhaps the slow burn was the way they were meant to go.

 

Running his hand along the mast, he felt the slight imperfection in the wood and he couldn’t help but allow the small smile to grace his face. He clearly remembered how it had happened and why instead of replacing it he had insisted it was fine.

 

****Flashback****

Tony was nervously sanding the long piece of round wood. He really wasn’t sure about what he was doing, certain he was going to screw it up. However, to be there sharing this with the man was more than he had expected. He hadn’t expected to enjoy it or to understand the way the wood talked to him.

 

His gaze darted over to the older man’s to steal a glance at the way his arms smoothly seemed to be one with the wood, his movements one singular fluid motion with a grace that would belie Jethro’s gruff nature. It was like watching a maestro at work and he for one was captivated. 

 

Tony looked up, saw the amused gaze and cocked eyebrow on the older man’s face. He tripped in his haste to cover up the fact that he had been so enthralled by the man. The mast clamored to the floor and as he tried to right himself and cover up his embarrassment of being caught, he managed to kick the wood into the corner of the workbench gouging a small chunk out of it.

 

Mortified and believing that he had indeed ruined everything, he began to sputter. “I’m sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have touched the boat…I don’t know what…”

 

“Tony. It’s ok.” Sensing that he needed to show the man it was fine he crossed over to the mast picking the wood up making a bit of a production of looking it over. Taking Tony’s hand and gently stroking it along the wood. “This is nothing, it gives it personality.”

 

Tony looked at the man in disbelief. “You sand for hours Gibbs, feeling the wood to make sure all imperfections are sanded smooth, the idea that it has personality is a crock of shit.”

 

Giving the younger man a lighter version of his patented glare, he sighed. “Tony, this is really fine and yes-“Holding his hand up to forestall the man from speaking. “I sand for hours letting the wood tell me when it’s ready, but there really is no damage and it really is fine.” Moving closer to the younger man, he wrapped one hand around his neck drawing Tony closer to him.

 

“Because now whenever we’re sailing or when I think of the boat I’ll remember the first time.”

 

“The first time what?” Tony whispered.

 

“This.” Gibbs leaned in closing the distance between them allowing their lips to meet.

 

****End Flashback****

 

Shaking himself out of the memories, he looked back out at the unrelenting sea. He wasn’t sure if he should turn the boat back towards home and say goodbye to those he left behind without a word. But he really hadn’t wanted to hear their reasoning for his staying, their pleading or for some, their excuses. No, it was better this way. 

 

He wanted to get lost in his memories…find that place where everything was at it should be and he could do that here on the boat in a way that he couldn’t anywhere else. This was theirs, something they had started together…something that had not been touched by anyone else.

 

He knew he was being a bit selfish but everything considered they owed him this time and they owed Tony a hell of a lot more. He wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to look at any of them the same way again and perhaps for their sakes, even if they weren’t aware, it was safer for them if he stayed away.

 

He had learned a great deal about Tony when they started the boat. Somehow, the basement, boat and bourbon meant different things when he and Tony started their relationship. It was no longer a place to hide and seek solace but instead he learned to open up about his life and in the same place, Tony was able to unburden his secrets too.

 

They talked about anything and everything and there were no secrets between them. That was not to say that it all happened instantaneously but happened it had. He had amended his rule six and apologized…many, many times because of it.

 

At one point he wasn’t sure how and why the younger man put up with him, he had made so many missteps over the years. He had disregarded things that Tony had let slip about his father and had tried far too many times to get them to make amends.

 

Never once had he asked if Tony wanted that. He of all people should have known better as he had his own issues with his father. Still, he was a stubborn ass and had pushed ahead thinking essentially that he knew best.

 

The thing that the younger man had finally shared regarding the team hit him hard. How could he have been so blind? When he thought about it, he knew that he had indeed seen some of the insubordination and he had said nothing.

 

Some of their actions had shocked him and all he wanted to do was go back and make it right.

 

****Flashback****

Tony slammed his glass down on the workbench his green eyes flashing with anger. “What the fuck does it matter now? It’s over and done with.”

 

“That’s not the point Tony. They left you without back up. You could have been killed.” Gibbs’ eyes were boring into the other man’s soul, he needed him to get that he mattered, that he is important…that he is his everything.

 

“You can’t go backwards Jethro. What’s done is done and I have learned that you can’t make people see the real you.”

 

“That’s my fault Tony. I should have seen what was going on. This is unacceptable.”

 

“Yes…it is Jethro.” Tony sighed. “But they will never understand why it’s wrong. To them it was a joke.” His head down as he looked at the floor. “To them I am not important.”

 

Pulling the younger man into his arms holding him tightly as he grasps what could have happened. “But you’re important to me.”

 

****End Flashback****

 

Looking at the sky once more before heading down to the galley to grab a beer, he knew that he had made up his shortcoming with Tony and that the man had forgiven him, but he still cringed at how blind he had been. That was never an easy thing to accept. 

 

He had been most surprised and hurt by Abby’s attitude towards Tony. He didn’t know when she had changed her feelings regarding Tony but she had. She had gone from her acceptance and sisterly affection to what amounted to sibling rejection.

 

It had escalated to something he couldn’t define when she stumbled on to the fact that they were in a relationship. All they had wanted to do was keep it quiet and between the two of them for a while. They were enjoying the slow discoveries about one another as they went from friends to lovers.

 

At first, she had seemed to be supportive but when she barged in his house when they were having a quiet dinner together, he thought differently. He often thought back to that night and wondered if there was something that he should have seen. Was there a look that she sent Tony that would have warned him of what was to come?

 

No matter how many times he looked at it he didn’t expect what happened months later.

 

****Flashback****

“Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!” She bounced up to the man wrapping her arms around him. “So when is it my turn for time with you?”

 

“We had lunch the other day Abs.” 

 

“That’s not enough My Silver Fox. That hardly counts at all and we have the weekend off.” She whined.

 

“We’ll have lunch again when I get back Abs…promise.”

 

“Get back from where?”

 

“I’m taking Tony away for our weekend…sort of a surprise.”

 

“Can I go too? It will be awesome! The three of us like the Musketeers. So where are we going?” She knew she could get him to agree…she was his favorite and Tony was…well Tony.

 

“Not this time.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek when she pulled away.

 

“When did Tony become the most important one Gibbs? How could you let him barge in and kick me out of your life? Is he that good of a lay that you forget who your friends are?” She started pacing in her lab her hands clenched in tight fists as she let the words fly.

 

“He must be considering that he has no other skills. He was a joke when you were in Mexico. McGee ran circles around him and Ziva had to go outside to you for help. He couldn’t make a decision without them.”

 

“Are you sure he isn’t playing you? Maybe he’s blinding you with his ‘skills’ so that you keep him on your team. We all know how often he uses that particular skill. I would even consider fucking him, but I like a man who can think with more than his dick.”

 

“Enough”. His voice reverberated through the Lab. “You have no idea what the hell you are talking about and definitely know nothing about Tony”. He was shocked at the words that had spewed from Abby’s mouth.

 

“He has never done anything to warrant this from you.”

 

“Oh please. He begs for it Gibbs. Look at his actions.”

 

“What Abby? What has he done to you that deserved this? Because I can recall several times that he put himself in the line of fire for you…for McGee and for Ziva.”

 

“And yet he manages to get caught by a serial killer and might I add under suspicion of murder more than once. He gets lucky and you are ready to applaud his findings. There is no skill in that.” Her eyes blazed. “Timmy uses his brain and Ziva her strength. She even told me about how she took Tony down in Israel. How’s that for strength?”

 

“You made the wrong choice on that tarmac Gibbs…you should have left Tony there.” She turned away from the man she had always considered hers and left the lab.

 

Ducky came out from where he had stood frozen, shocked by the words he had heard. “Jethro, I don’t quite know what to say.”

 

“No excuse for her actions Duck.”

 

“No, I don’t disagree, but perhaps she will calm down and realize the folly of her actions and apologize.”

 

“Don’t want to hear it. You know as well as I do words can hurt. Right now I am just grateful that Tony is doing the undercover job with Fornell and wasn’t here to witness that.”

 

“Are you going to tell him what transpired?”

 

Sighing deeply as he looked at his friend. “Have to Duck…promised I wouldn’t keep anything from him and I won’t. Better he hear it from me than anyone else. Maybe it’s time for a change.”

 

****End Flashback****

 

That had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. The hurt that had shown in the green eyes as he tried to make sense of why someone he cared about had turned on him. He had no excuses for her. 

 

That night they decided to make changes and only Ducky, Fornell and Jimmy were allowed in their inner circle. They had tendered their resignations quietly and the minute that happened Fornell had snapped Tony up knowing exactly what skills he would bring to the table.

 

Actually, he made a huge deal of that anytime that the Feebs had to work with NCIS. Honestly, it ended up one of the best things that had happened to them. Tony seemed to shed a weight that he had never known he was carrying.

 

They both laughed more and found a peace that they had never known was lacking and for that, he was eternally grateful. Abby had tried several times to talk to him but the damage was done and he just couldn’t look at her the same way.

 

Fornell had talked him into a position called a Strategic Coordinator and he had to admit that he loved it and the freedom that it gave him. So they went on their merry way and had several years of more than happiness.

 

That seemed like such a simple word for what they found together…it was so much more than that. They even finished the boat and he was forced to tell Tony that in fact he didn’t have a fucking clue on how to get it out of the basement.

 

With a great deal of laughter Tony finally decided that they needed help and he brought in one of his Frat brothers who came up with a solution, which is now a carefully guarded secret. They christened it properly…several times and loved their weekends away from it all.

 

And then his world fell apart leaving him wondering just how many Gods he’d pissed off. 

 

*****Flashback****

“Ducky you’re not driving period.” Tony crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“My dear boy I am not some old doddering fool that can not take a cab.”

 

“Of course you aren’t, but you are our friend and I will make sure you get home safely.”

 

Smiling as Ducky grabbed his coat muttering about ‘over protective grandchildren’ as he walked out to their truck.

 

Jethro smirked after Tony kissed him and followed Ducky outside. 

 

“Be home in twenty Jet. Love you.”

 

****End Flashback****

 

That was the last time he would see those green eyes…the last kiss that he would be graced with and the last time he would hear the words ‘I love you’. The only good thing was that neither man felt anything. They both died on impact when the semi crossed the double line after its driver had fallen asleep at the wheel.

 

That really didn’t help the emptiness or pain that he felt, pain that he had endured far too often in his life. He knew that this was something he was not going to bounce back from and truthfully, he had no reason.

 

Fornell tried but seemed to understand that this was more than he could handle. Abby had tried to invade his life under the delusion that he would need her now and her time was here. He nipped that in the bud right away and warned her to keep everyone else away; that he had no desire to hear anything they had to say.

 

He had retired after trying to return to work a few months after the accident. It meant nothing anymore and he just didn’t give a fuck about anything. He was tired and as much as he knew Tony would hate it, he was done. 

 

He looked around at the pictures Tony had placed on the boat, places they had gone together and some with their friends. He had been a damn lucky bastard and about the only regret that he had was how long it took them to get together. They could have had so much more time.

 

Grabbing another beer, he sat down and looked at the map he had placed on the table earlier. He knew he needed to decide what he was going to do….where he was headed. Looking at the map, he noticed the notes that Tony made as they dreamed about where they would go when they finally made the big jump to full retirement.

 

His fingers traced the route gently with his finger and he suddenly knew what he was going to do. It wasn’t how he imagined it but he would do this for Tony. There was a great deal that he needed to do before he set sail. 

 

He made quick work of the tasks at hand; supplies, tying up some loose ends and making sure all his affairs were in order. Everything of value was already with him on the boat so that made packing easy.

 

He finally felt the peace that he had been searching for since this happened. Of course, it would be Tony that helped guide him to it. He was certain Tony was up there with Shannon laughing at the irony of the moment. He would quietly sail into the sunset having lived a full life and finally meet up with those that he had longed for. 

 

His mother, Shannon, Kelly, Jackson and somehow the most important Tony. Because without Tony he would have never opened up to life and love again and would have most certainly drowned in the undertow.


End file.
